| Thursday, October 18th, 2007 |
| 4:34 pm |
hey there...
so its getting closer.. im nervous... but i love him |
| Tuesday, June 12th, 2007 |
| 1:29 pm |
i love him
goodness.... i love him so much some times i could just squeeze him... yay for happiness |
| Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 |
| 4:52 pm |
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| Friday, February 9th, 2007 |
| 8:47 pm |
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| Monday, January 29th, 2007 |
| 1:47 pm |
hello its been awhile...
hey there... alrighty its monday... i miss my boyfriend... how lame am i? i live with him and i miss him. so i had this horrible nightmare about losing him bc he thought i wanted to be with eric. blah... i love luciano. he gives me butterflies. he makes me so happy to just be near him. i hurt when im not. yup... im in love. never thought that i would be again. but i am. i want to marry him so badly. im so excited to see him tonight... yay... overwhelming feeling of happieness. yay |
| Thursday, December 7th, 2006 |
| 1:17 am |
AbOut ME!
so i was thinking.... scary huh? what about me? but what about me you say? well this is me...i love attention sometimes... im fun, im energetic, i cant spell, im smart, im funny (most of the time i crack myself up more than others but hey), im nosy no matter how much i tell you i didnt look well i totally did... i love stupid things and stupid jokes. i think the best things in life go unnoticed. im hungry, im cooler than you... lol.. i hope! well im one of those girls that i hope that people find beautiful, funny, intelligent... i hope that i am one of those girls that everyone loves to be around. you either love me or hate me... pick your battles wisely... i hate republicans even though my best friend is one... i get mad and hurt easily, my mood shifts every passing moment... i love diamonds... my favorite color is yellow although i dont use it that much, i also like pink... and i use it too much... i love sparkles, make up and hair... im pretty good at almost everything i do...i might say i look horrible but the truth be told i wouldnt go out in public if i didnt think i looked at least 'okay'. i cry when my pets die, my parents yell at me, or i hurt myself. i love to read. i love to sing although i dont know if i have a good voice or not... i think i know everything... im rude and sarcastic most of the time.. i love to dance in the middle of no where.. i love flowers...i love skulls, bears, baseball and winter... i hate my body...i love my body (haha in some light)... i love christmas lights, librarys, scarves....this is me.. take it or leave it |
| Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 |
| 8:22 pm |
other girls
okay so here is my jealousy back.. i dont think i can watch him talk to other girls.. i think that if he is going to do that then i cant be friends with him.. i cant watch it.. im sorry.. its killing me |
| Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 |
| 6:31 pm |
okay ive had enough
he is driving me insane... i mean up the wall im going to hit him insane.... why cant he just give me space??? why is that so hard??? he keeps saying he gave me a second chance over a year ago... he gave me a chance? no we both gave each other chances... i do believ he yes LUCIANO asked ME back out... and he gave me a chance? get over yourself.. this isnt about eric..this isnt about you.... its about me... me.. TeSSA! youre right about of couple things though. you fucked it up... but the fact that you wont stop telling me about it or apologizing is fucking it up even more... you are driving me not to want to talk to you at all... dont you get it... stop already... i told you i need space and yet you are giving me the exact opposite.... honestly you pissed me off so badly tonight i dont know.... stop talking about eric... just stop....... its about me... its about what i want... stop blaming yourself.... i made the decision... you make me misarable... you might not think that you are being a jerk but you are... i asked you for space and you are crowding me... i asked you to stop overwhelming me and that you are stressing me out and you dont stop... that is the definition of a jerk.... so please stop. |
| Friday, December 1st, 2006 |
| 7:37 pm |
things on my mind
-bailey -myspace crap -luciano -feeling sick -eric getting kicked out -too much stress... im on over load right now....... i want to cry |
| Thursday, November 30th, 2006 |
| 10:53 pm |
so i dont know
well i dont know.... i dont know.. he really bugged me tonight... he got mad bc of something i said but yet i wen ton tonight and he said oh i miss you to someone else...lame....lamo... whatever my eyes hurt... im bored...and tired |
| 7:26 pm |
jealousy
okay so i can be a jealous person but i never take it to the extreme and im way better with it... so it really bugs me when people take their jealousy out on me.... really bugs me |
| 2:30 pm |
eh
okay so recently ive been thinking about moving... big shocker there yeah? lol.. ive never been the one to want to settle down in one place....i want to get married yes, but settle down ...no. my parents say that im 21 i should stop and finish school, figure out what i want to do with my life... and what do i say??? im 21!!! why do i have to stop and settle down? i have the rest of my life to do that.. why cant i travel? i can go to school online, why not? there are so many people that i know who have changed their majors like i dunno 20 something times and still dont know... so why should i have to decide... deciding on what to do with my life and career is almost depressing... well it is depressing...i hate santa clarita. i hate the feeling of being trapped. so why must i stay here? my parents say because they are here... but yet they are planning on moving to pismo later on... eh?! i dont know i have so many hopes, dreams and wants... i dont want to stay in one place right now.. i dont think i should have to.. there is so much to see, so much of life that has yet to present itself... grr.... so what should i do??? im so confused and annoyed... i want to leave and everyones pushing me to stay <3 |
| Monday, November 27th, 2006 |
| 12:07 am |
lately
okay so eh.. where to start??? well by now you all should know that i broke up with luciano. he acts like he is taking it hard but then he goes off and talks to a whole bunch of girls and does stupid stuff to try to get my attention... well let me tell you it just pisses me off to the point where i dont want to talk to him at all. i want him in my life... he was a big part of it and that shouldnt have to change... right? i dont know anymore... i just dont know... i deleted my myspace bc obviously he was having to hard of a time with that.... grr... i hate that this is disrupting my whole entire life... i cant go to work without hearing about it... i cant go to my friends or parents without hearing about it... he's calling my friends he's calling my parents.... i just want to dissapear... Current Mood:  gloomy |
| Saturday, November 18th, 2006 |
| 1:40 am |
crying again
okay so tonight i broke up with luciano... why do i feel like shit about it? why do i feel like a horrible person. he is my best friend i love him with all of my heart. unfortantly im not in love with him anymore. its been building up for awhile... months actually but i never imagined i would actually do it. i dont know how i feel right now.. i feel so helpless without it... so fuckin helpless.. i already miss him. i wasnt happy but i already miss him... i have just been sobbing.... it hurts so bad |
| Friday, November 17th, 2006 |
| 11:23 pm |
5 days...
well i think he is great. amazing even...he makes me feel lbeautiful, loved, funny...hes great... |
| Thursday, November 16th, 2006 |
| 7:40 pm |
im so fustrated
so here is a few things going on with my life: 1- rocky ruining my already bad credit ehhhhh 2- i miss ian and he leaves in like 4 weeks... 3- ive no money and all the rest of the things......... grrr |
| Saturday, November 11th, 2006 |
| 1:37 am |
sad day today
my bunny died today. i cried... been trying to get ahold of my boyfriend but he doesnt seem to pick up his phone.... it is so fustrating...whatever im upset and i need my bf Current Mood:  frustrated |
| Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 |
| 2:11 am |
update
okay so i am abot 200-300 dollars short of rent...i think i have uclers...im bleeding in place i shouldnt be (i did last night too). i just threw up too....yup you guessed it blood. my stomach hurts so bad... im so hungry, so tired, so upset. i just keep crying for nothing. i listen to a song and i am bawling. i just cant seem to catch up... iz is trying her best to help out and fix things but i am still sick to my stomach... sometimes i just want it all to end... i just pray to end it... like today i get these mental pictures of a car accident...i wish i oculd rewind time... i would do so many things over. i wish i could just realize that lucy loves me and he would do anything for me...for once i wish i felt pretty, skinny, loved. i feel like i have no friends... none...it hurts... even iz has new people to be with. i went to a concert today front row, nick lachey concert and i sat and thought about money the whole time... i just want to talk to Lu and i couldnt... i want us to be a couple and for him to help me think of ways but he doesnt get that. eh..... im hurt. im depressed... and most of all im sick and im tired. please end... Current Mood: crushed |
| Sunday, November 5th, 2006 |
| 10:36 pm |
omg....
omg...tonight sucked so bad. i forgot a check an got yelled at for like 20 minutes... i wanted to cry. they threatened to suspend me bc of it... they told me they wanted to put me back in training... i dont know... its just a restaurant and they take it to the extreme... i just want to cry..... Current Mood:  depressed |
| Tuesday, October 31st, 2006 |
| 12:03 am |
o yeah
and its our anniversary.... eh |
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bellabee29's journal
